Be Kind After the Fall - Be Hard Before the Climb

Why we get it the wrong way around – and how to stop doing that.

It's not about if you fall. It is about how fast you get back on

Introduction

I had a conversation with someone recently who's seriously challenging herself right now.

She’s all in.

She’s showing up.

She’s pushing forward.

And naturally, she hits a bump.

A small misstep.

A moment of feeling a bit down on herself.

I could see it coming from a mile away, because I’ve lived it too.

And this is what came out of me:

“Keep your focus on everything you ARE doing. Allow space for the missteps. We’re human. We ALL make them. It only becomes a failure when you stop trying.”

Right there, I realized... this is the lesson. This is what so many people do wrong. We’re often hard on ourselves when we should be kind…And we’re soft on ourselves when we should be disciplined.

This blog breaks that cycle open.

Understanding the Core Issue

Most people flip the timing of kindness and discipline.

Here’s how it usually plays out:

• You miss a workout? You beat yourself up.

• You slip on your diet? You call yourself weak.

• You skip a practice? You question your worth.

• You procrastinate for a day? You convince yourself you’re lazy.

This is where the majority gives up, completely. It is PERFECT or NOT AT ALL ...

But then...

When it’s time to rise, to push, to level up?

• You say, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

• You say, “I’ve earned a break.”

• You say, “Let’s take it easy today.”

It’s completely reversed.

The result?

You never gain momentum. You stop trusting yourself. You stay stuck.

And I get it, because I’ve done it too.

Just like I used to go soft on myself when it came to building my business……but I was harsh on myself when I missed a sales call.

Same with my fitness.

Same with life.

It’s a mismatch of energy.

And that’s where the cycle keeps repeating.

Breaking it Down: Key Areas of Impact

Let’s look at where this pattern shows up and how it affects us.

1. Misplaced Judgment

Being hard on yourself after a slip doesn’t motivate you... it crushes your confidence.

And then? You don’t try again.

2. Lack of Discipline at the Starting Line

You go easy on yourself when it’s actually time to level up. The moment of truth comes and you don’t rise to meet it.

3. The Delay Loop

You think being “nice” to yourself means giving in to comfort. But comfort rarely gets you to where you want to go.

4. Self-Trust Breaks

When your discipline and your compassion aren’t aligned with the moment, you stop believing in your own ability to commit and bounce back.

How to Apply This in Real Life

Here’s how to correct the pattern and take back control of your progress:

✅ Do This – Flip the Timing

• Be kind AFTER the misstep→ Reflect. Reset. Keep going.

• Be hard BEFORE the climb→ Switch on. Lock in. Don’t negotiate.

  
  

✅ Best Practices

• Ask yourself: “What do I need most right now, a push or a pause?”

• Build the habit of positive self-talk after mistakes.

• Recognize your pattern: Do you go soft when you need to push?

• Set a clear line: “No matter what, I always _______.” (workout, journal, show up)

  
  

❌ Avoid This – Common Pitfalls

• Don’t over-identify with mistakes.

• Don’t use “self-love” as an excuse to stay in comfort.

• Don’t wait for motivation to strike before you get started.

• Don’t compare your timeline to someone else’s.

• And please don't fall for the 'easy trap' of thinking and saying "It is just not (for) me".....

Of course it is not you. Of course it feels like impossible. Of course you suck at it in the beginning. Just like everyone else and like in every situation where you do something NEW. Do something (not try - DO) for 3 weeks and THEN see if it is still 'impossible.' I like to use a foreign language as a comparison to habit changes. You SUCK when you start. After a few lessons, practice sessions and homework you know how to say your name, where you're from and what your favorite food is. You learn more and more words, deep dive into the grammar and out of nowhere you have a day where you think, ' I forgot it all..' You couldn't make a sentence haha. Do you think, on that day your brain is not on your side, that you truly forgot it all and all the work was for nothing? If you KEEP GOING, allowing yourself to stumble over sentences, twist your tongue and keep trying. You will see all the results of your consistency once you speak to someone that just started. when you hear yourself back on a recorded file. once you recognize that you are actually having a conversation. It takes time. EVERYTHING does. It takes missteps, EVERYTHING does.

Real growth happens when you build self-awareness AND self-discipline at the same time.

Special Considerations

This hits home for:

Entrepreneurs: You’ll hit roadblocks, rejections, and off days.

Be kind when you fall.

But be relentless when the opportunity comes.

Athletes: Training is filled with highs and lows.

Don’t let one skipped or bad session kill your rhythm.

But also don’t let “just one more rest day” become your new norm.

Anyone growing: Personal growth is messy. It’s filled with missteps.

Give yourself grace when needed.

But hold yourself to your vision when it counts.

The Final Takeaway

Here’s what I want you to remember:

“It only becomes failure when you stop trying.”

Fall off? Be kind.

Getting close to the goal? Be hard.

Repeat.

The way most people do it is backward.

They punish themselves when they slip.

And they let themselves off the hook when it’s time to rise.

You’re not most people.

You’re here because you want more.

You want to build something.

You want to become someone you’re proud of.

So here’s your reminder:

The next time you fall... be kind.

The next time you need to show up... go hard.

That’s how we do it!

– Sjoerd

Big SHOUT OUT and Thanks to Kat Ari !!! (The lady that inspired this blog)